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13 July 2006 @ 11:29 pm
I will update later [never] about my trip & etc but right now I have only one purpose.

The following is the product of Emily Zevon, myself, and a long car ride to Syracuse in order to see Meatloaf & Cyndi Lauper in concert. I have no excuse, and I am really just far to embarrassed to even think of one. You can judge me if you want; I don't even care at this point. This was found by Emily in a spiral-bound 100-page notebook. I've typed everything as it was written on the page (excluding my notes).

The Furrocious Five!!!

However, in addition to imbuing them with new supercapabilities, the toxic nuclear goo caused the animals to develop severe psychoses. The llama developed a personality disorder, and for the time being, thought he was a camel. The chipmunk became schizophrenic, the meerkat developed social anxiety, the woodchuck developed –cidal tendencies (including sui- and homo-), and the hummingbird developed Capgras Syndrome.* The animals’ psychoses combined with their supercapabilities made for a formidable invasion force. The village hicks were surely doomed. Their inbreeding, when mixed with the severe aggression of the furrocious five, could only result in streets that ran with blood. However, it remained to be seen whose blood it would be.

Before they began the next Holocaust, however, the animals decided that it was high time introductions were made.

The llama speaks. “Call me Ishmael.”**

The woodchuck says, “Hello Ishmael, my name is Charles.”

“I’m Nigel,” said the meerkat.

“I’m Sir Webster Rufus Xavier Augustus Montgomery Josephine Richard XXIV Esquire MD. But you can call me Bob.” (Although a few of the other animals questioned the validity of Bob’s titles, they were frightened away from confronting him by the murderous glean in his eye).

“No you’re not, you’re an imposter. You were abducted by aliens and replaced by humanoid replacements,”*** said the hummingbird, as she fluttered spasmodically. “I’m the only authentic one.”

“How can we be humanoid replacements if none of us are human?” asked Ishmael lethargically.

At this point, the hummingbird realized a fatal flaw in her conspiracy theory. She conceded that they, the furrocious five, were in all likelihood who they claimed to be. However, she could not say the same for the human race.

Histrionic cries arose from the other animals. Someone said, “Wow, Autumn & Emily need a dictionary! Or at least a thesaurus.” At which point Autumn & Emily said collectively “nuh-uh,” and threatened to smite him. He whimpered and beggede them not to spank him, as the children had when he was small.****

“Anyways, I’m Felecity,” said the newly-named hummingbird. “And I have a plan to DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE.”*****

The other animals responded with looks of pure incredulity, until at last the woodchuck broke the silence. “You know, that’s not such a bad idea. My newfound –cidal tendencies compel me to wreak havoc in any way I can, even if it means sacrificing myself in the process.

“Cool,” said the llama, “I’m in. We can incorporate my humps into our defensive strategy against the bloodthirsty humans.

The meerkat and chipmunk, caving in to peer pressure—as such creatures are prone to do—nodded eagerly in agreement.
* I have NO idea how we knew what Capgras Syndrome is. I'm really frightened that it was my contribution, too. I feel like I must have been watching the Discovery Channel or something the night before.
** This is not a reference to Moby Dick, but to The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, a movie which Em & I hate more than anything on the planet.
*** I think I had also been watching Invader Zim.
**** Very possibly the most disturbing sentence ever written. I can almost promise you that it was Emily.
***** Clearly stolen from Home Movies. Don't even care.

That's all. It just ends there. There are two notes in the margin: "twilight," and "end with elipses." Clearly Em & I continuing it, now that we've found it again. Our friendship is a special thing.
Debambulance_call on March 20th, 2007 04:18 am (UTC)
autumn!i can't see your friends only entries on this journal....add me baby!
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